I’m a little late to the party, but The Binding of Isaac is one of the most addictive, and awesome games I’ve ever played. With random generation dungeons, and tons of items, not to mention plenty of character, I’ve put in over 160 hours into this low priced indie gem from the developers of Super Meat Boy.
As a result, I’ve joined the “cult”, persay, of Isaac. I’ve become one with the hardships of the Isaac playing masses, and can even classify myself as a “hardcore” player. With only a few more chest completions, item nabs, and challenge conquer-ings to go, I’m ever closer to the title of Platinum God.
In celebration, and for lack of thinking of it sooner, I’m going to be releasing a series of fun lists chronicling adventures in The Binding of Isaac. In this list, we discuss the Top 5 Douchiest Bosses in The Binding of Isaac. For the sake of being obvious, I’m leaving out Mom, Mom’s Heart, Isaac, and Blue Baby. There are plenty more interesting bosses to choose from.
Alright, Gurdy isn’t really hard. In fact, all it takes to beat him is patience, persistence, and simple dodging.
However, Gurdy was not always this easy for you, seasoned Isaac player. In fact, Gurdy was once the scourge of your entire existence. Every Isaac player’s epiphany when they realize “Wow, this game really is a dick”, as they try to figure out how to defeat the HP heavy behemoth of… organs? Seriously, what is Gurdy made of?
Regardless of how good you are at Isaac, or how many Gurdy wins you have under your belt, you will always remember the first time you were put up against this disgusting fiend.
As if the regular 4 horsemen weren’t enough (Pestilience, you don’t count, you pussy), McMillen took it upon himself to add Conquest, the true 4th horseman from the real book of revelations.
Conquest is essentially War’s douchier older cousin. The kind of older cousin that gives you a wedgie every time he visits… or double dips in the salsa – and you really wanted that salsa. His moves are similar to War’s, but super charged. Instead of dashing simply across the screen, several incarnations of this blind bastard fly across leaving you little time to dodge. To top that, instead of bombs, this asshole shoots down beams from the heavens in greater numbers. Lastly, he shoots huge homing shots, the douchiest of enemy projectiles. He doesn’t even have a super easy second phase like War. He’s just 100% jerk.
In the end you don’t even get a Cube of Meat, just the White Pony. Goddammit Conquest.
3) The Fallen
Mixed emotions are evoked when you realize you are now face to face with the Fallen, one of the douchiest bosses in The Binding of Isaac. One emotion being glee, that upon defeating The Fallen, a glorious devil item will be bestowed on you, and chances are, it’ll be pretty good. The downside, you know you are gonna have to go through hell to get it, especially if you have low speed.
As one of the fastest bosses in the game, The Fallen chases you down with the determination of cat chasing a mouse. If you are Magdalene, or had ridiculous speed drops, you have absolutely no hope of dodging this assault. To make it even more dickish, he bursts into two at half health. If his brimstone shots and chasing isn’t enough, multiply that by 2, yeah.
Regardless, I admit The Fallen is one of my favorite bosses to fight.
2) The Bloat
A close second to Gurdy, especially during pre-Wrath of the Lamb times, Peep was one of the more annoying bosses in the game. Also high in HP, he jumped at you, and pissed goddamn everywhere. So clearly the best thing to do was to make a super version of Peep that shoots brimstone shots. Meet The Bloat.
A faster, stronger, and more potent version of Peep, The Bloat leaves absolutely no room for error. Stay too long in one spot and his pimply white ass will be above you in no time. In fact, constant moving is really required, or else you recieve not one, but two brimstone shots straight to the face. Not only can he shoot horizontally, but The Bloat can shoot brimstone shots vertically, with extremely little warning. If you don’t fight The Bloat quickly, yet cautiously, he could be the end of you.
Asshole never drops anything worth it either. Damn.
1) Mask of Infamy
Not only the douchiest boss in The Binding of Isaac, Mask of Infamy is one of the douchiest bosses ever created. Mask of Infamy has brought more deaths in my 160 hours than any other bosses in this list. He’s just too damn hard.
As we all know, knights and mask + heart are some of the more annoying enemies in the game. Mask of Infamy is a super charged version of either of those encounters. One part vulnerable, HP heavy heart, one part crazy mask that hunts you down and kills you. I’m fairly certain this fellow has more HP than just about any boss in the game, which ramps up his difficulty even harder.
Killing his heart is simple. It doesn’t move much, occasionally shooting out easily-avoidable shots. However, once you take it down, you are treated with one pissed off mask. It’s speed increases, it behaves more unpredictably, and even better, you can only hit it directly in the back. The issue is that it’s moves are almost completely random, until it lays eyes on you and dashes at you at light speed. Getting behind it isn’t all you have to do, you actually have to hit it. With the mask moving so fast, it will often turn away faster than your shots can hit it from a safe distance. Sometimes it will even turn a full 180 and dash right into your unexpecting face. The mask even has insane HP itself, so prepare yourself for a long and tiresome fight.
Patience is the biggest killer here. With this fight often lasting a long time, I found myself taking shortcuts which ultimately resulted in me becoming mask food. But you must persevere. You must succeed. Though, if you have piercing shots… he’s a piece of cake.
He still haunts my nightmares…
Agree with my list? Want to add another boss? Leave a comment below!